Will somebody please give my Misplaced Ark gunslinger some trousers?


Misplaced Ark is a brand new free-to-play MMORPG that’s notable as a result of a) it’s a hack ‘n’ slash grind that makes it a bit like a free model of Diablo, b) I don’t know what is going on at any given cut-off date whereas taking part in it, as an alternative drowning in a soup manufactured from phrases like ‘future’, and c) the participant characters appear to be they work at a intercourse dungeon. Particularly work at, quite than take part in. They serve drinks and clear wipe-down sofas for minimal wage, and so they do not notably wish to be sporting a latex catsuit, however right here we’re.

For instance, I am fairly positive my gunslinger character works at a steampunk cowboy themed erotique parlour. I truly fairly take pleasure in her assault fashion, a kind of hyper-aggressive DPS that enables her to change between three totally different gun stances (pistols, shotgun and rifle). The twin pistols specifically include a load of crowd-control AOE assaults like explosions and spinning bullets firing smaller bullets, or one thing. And whereas there’s some type of story involving demons and a battle and bits of stone (one thing one thing future), my gunslinger’s quest is, presently, the single-minded pursuit of a pair of trousers.

I’ve received nothing in any respect in opposition to skin-tight, low-rise leather-based hotpants, and it is honest to say most character courses do not come out of the Misplaced Ark wardrobe division with any choices for smart-casual or athleisure. Certainly, my objection is not that my character began in hotpants, however quite that I don’t appear to be allowed to placed on the rest. Additionally, a whole lot of my base armour are Gravedigger gadgets – as in, Gravedigger Gloves and such like – and I s’pose that is to offer it a type of horny cowboy Deadwood vibe, proper? However actually, is this befitting the solemnity of a funeral?

I’m laying complete areas to waste on this early a part of this recreation in pursuit of trousers. I’ve killed so many big lizards and birds that I’ve certainly destabilised the ecosystem so critically that it is going to be the topic of a 5 minute monologue from Sir David Attenborough within the subsequent episode of Inexperienced Planet. The grass can have began the evolutionary course of required to reside off blood, judging by the carnage I’ve wrought. Even worse, I most likely might have made my very own trousers dozens of instances over with the quantity of animal pores and skin my character has certainly sliced in twain. A waste of fine leather-based, should you ask me. But none of them drop something aside from silver, some well being potions, and extra hotpants. My poor gunslinger, making an attempt to pay for some extra well being potions and simply discovering hotpants tumbling out of the tiny pockets in her existent hotpants.

I do know there are trousers on this world. You know the way I do know? As a result of each different bastard is allowed them. However I am unable to purchase them anyplace. The dealer simply has some very costly pauldrons. I believe they have to be hiding all of the trousers from my character particularly: “Fast, ol’ bare-bums is coming!” However why!? God, she have to be so chilly! It isn’t like high-fantasy worlds have central heating or something!

I requested Rebecca, who has been writing guides for Misplaced Ark, about this situation, and located that she can also be struggling to maintain her feminine character clothed. “I managed to search out myself some first rate Deathblade armor (naked arms however a smart neckline),” she mentioned, “solely to have it nearly immediately out-statted by a pair of leather-based hotpants and a prime that was primarily straps bordering a boob window.” Hotpants once more! What is that this??

In full equity, although, I’ll admit that it is rather, very humorous each time a severe lore scene is going on and it’s photobombed by my character’s arse.

I think about in that final image she complaining about splinters. Please. Does anybody have any trousers? Anybody in any respect?

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